Misconceptions

This may be not just in India.

Many people have so many misconceptions about the lifestyle...

This blog post has two parts:
1. Misconceptions of others
2. Misconceptions of those who involve or want to involve in this lifestyle

This is a work that will be in progress for ever as I learn more and more misconceptions of people, I will keep on updating.

P.S. Kindly choose whether you belong to the first or the second category and skip to that section. I think people will not accept or believe that these misconceptions exist if they dont belong to that group.

1. Misconceptions of others

Isn't domination of another human being illegal?

I think no. While harassing another person or even any other living or even public property is an offence, dominating a sub is not at all a harassment. U think I am wrong? let me break it down...

Harassment has many forms - sexual harassment, street harassment, financial / caste / religious etc... But in all the cases it is an unwilling behavior against the other person. If the person accepts it willingly nothing is illegal. For ex. I can be prosecuted if I buy a naughty lingerie and ask a random girl to wear it tonight in bed with me only if the girl objects. The same girl will love it if she is my girl friend or my wife. So all I am trying to say is, some thing which is considered offensive by someone will be a willing thing for some others. 

Similar is the willingness to be submissive or being dominated. So unless your sub / slave feels offended and she complains to logal bodies, you cant be prosecuted.

Simply put if the girl is not offended by your behaviour, it is not harassment at all http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harassment

BDSM encourages slavery which is illegal.

Again slavery has two parts. Treating one as an object but more importantly forcing them to do things against will. Where there is the will there is a way. If the person willingly accepts the things done by their master, who is there to object. Once no one is offended, no one else can objected. 

BDSM lifestyle is against Indian culture. In India we respect women. 

This is the best myth of all. India is the only country where the wife of a dead man is fired to death with the dead body of her husband http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sati_(practice). It was British who prohibited sati among other such cultures in the great Indian tradition. 

Even Lord Ram is a hero for his monogamy (having only one spouse) only because his father had thousands. Multiple marriages was the actual Indian tradition. Monogamy was a changeover. 

As like many other countries, women were not educated until a few decades before. They were only treated as sexual and cooking machines. 

Yet we named most rivers in female names just as a mask. 

Can someone tell me what is Indian culture? India is a country of diverse cultures and so there is no single thing called "INDIAN".

More importantly BDSM is a personal life of that concerned couple and no one can define how they can life. 

2. Misconceptions of those who involve or want to involve in this lifestyle

Slave vs slut vs  sub

In fact I had only this topic in mind when I decided to write about the misconceptions. But I extended it to the misconceptions by others even before writing this. 

Many wannabe BDSM'ers wrongly use these words interchangeably. This is totally wrong. All these are totally different. 

A slave is someone treated as an object.

A slut is someone who sleeps with multiple partners when ever she wants.

A submissive is a committed person to her dom. 

One can clearly single out slut / whore / bitch / randi etc is totally different than a slave or a sub. More importantly even if your master / dom allows, you are not a slut. As in this case you certainly need your master's or dom's permission but a slut do it in her own interest for her urge or money or other favors. 

Now understanding the difference between a slave and sub is little tricky, it seems.... most ppl that I discussed with seems not to understand even after I explain it... So I thought deeply and now trying different words and few example situations... Hope it makes them understand :p

As I said a slave is meant to be treated as an object that is owned by her master. If I buy a pen, it is expected that I use it to write. But no one can tell me I should not do anything other than writing. And if i do other things the pen cant complain. I can bite it, chew it, break it etc.... 

Again I can do whatever I want to my sub too.... Slap, spank, gag, bite, tie-up, use chains, whip, clips, wax, etc on her... But the difference is that I cant do all I want on her on day 1. As a dom, i need to understand her limits and push them little by little.... 

Again based on the above point.... many people define a slave has no limits but a sub had certain limits of pain. This is true... but thats not the collective and inclusive definition or difference...

In my view... slave does whatever her master orders... so is a sub. But a slave can only be commanded but a sub does things of her own too... Again here this does not mean that a sub can disrespect her dom. But it is that she is not at all an object she is a cherished human. She also understands what and how her master likes and serves that. For ex. slave makes me chicken for lunch but only on order... but if its known that it is my favourite, a sub keeps chicken stocked and waits to surprise me when there was a day I forgot to mention what to cook. 

So Slave does whatever her master orders... but wait... so is the sub... but a sub also tries to satisfy her master if there was an opportunity where she dont hv any order. Like if there is nothing is ordered and the master is at work, a slave may just sit and do what she feels doing, while a sub will do things which she things will be a surprise for her dom...

But wait thats not all... 

Like the pen example I can do whatever I want to a slave and as well to my sub... but I dont even have to care for my slave but I SHOULD care for my sub. 

A dom sub relationship is built on mutual trust and care... in fact so is any relationship. I should give my sub the confidence that I wont do anything drastic to gain her submission... for a dom a sub is not an object... but is a gift that have to be cherished... Thus a don takes care of the sub not just uses them for their will. 

So a dom sub relationship comes with more responsibilities from both sides.... So its not easy to get a true sub... it has feelings, understandings and emotions... So if you cant deliver these and just want a physical relationship, just call it master - slave relationship....

In other words, people who are into BDSM and are meeting for a one night session, then dont call it a BDSM session... Coz in BDSM (for those who dont even know the full form, its not an abbreviation - its a compound initialism... (Dont know the difference between an abbreviation and a compound initialism... dont worry u will figure it out in a moment) is  bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M).) there is no "session" in BDSM. BDSM is a lifestyle and whether u r into B/d or d/s or s/m or the combination of these... its all relationships not one night sessions. So just call it master-slave session. 


More imp. if u hv limits, u r not slave... Any limits... like an uneducated person may not be able to earn a lot of money... some may not like name callings of their parents... some may not like scat, pee... if so u r not slave... 

The weird part is, truly speaking most Indians in BDSM life style are neither of these... They hv limits... so not a slave.... dont sleep with others... so not a slut... and unfortunately they r not givers... So they are not a sub.... this is true with most indian women (even vanilla women) ... they will let their men do what they want... but they just remain there enjoying the pleasure... they caress the bed in pleasure than their partner... they bite their own lips in ecstasy than they bite their partners... They close their eyes a lot lot more than they ever had the eye to eye conversation... I feel these r selfish... they wont even do anything (except may be kissing and blowjob)... They wont even know what their husbands / partners like... if u ask they will say my lips / eyes / boobs / pussy... For god sake every men like woman's lips, boobs and pussy... then y u r there... as a wife or partner... If u ask men... "what u wud like ur wife to do more for better sex life" they will tell they would love at least some caressing while they r fondling or doing stuff... and ya most may may say bigger boobs too... but ask women... for them caressing is nothing they will want only longer penis and prolonged erection... men too want... in fact as its a man's erection, he cant control it beyond a limit... but as a partner, the woman can prolong the erection... but even after the ejaculation men can finger to make them reach orgasm but these women they dont even caress y should they do? ya she cant do anything on the size of the penis and so are men on the size of the boobs... 

Yet again these are just definitions... But one can use these words interchangeably to call their partner. Once in a farewell to my colleague, at the end I gave her a kiss while send-off... now recently she got married and during her visit back to mumbai we had dinner with her new hubby... her hubby calls her sweety pie.... as i had kissed her b4 i surely know she neither smells or looks or tastes like any pie at all... So by definition she is not a pie but her hubby can call her...  So name calling ur partner is ok.... but dont call ur relationship wrongly in public or in communities or blogs... as ir gives a false impression. 

To the newbies in BDSM in India

In my opinion there has been always a sense of domination and submission in the Indian society. But only now, many people are coming out and expressing it in online communities. Sure with more people coming out and discussing, munches are also increasing.

But the wired part is with more BDSM content in the internet and many indians accepting themselves, more people are also getting desperate to get a partner of their liking. All I wana say them is patience is more valuable than frustration.

I feel there are at least  two kinds of people who get frustrated and depressed in search of BDSM:


A) I have come across many people who just get fond of tying up a partner or slapping them etc and assume it to be the BDSM relationship. It is much more than that. Thats y i made the "What is BDSM" post prior to this. Its not just hurting. The word domination is meant so cheap in the outer world. But in the BDSM world its more responsibility than just taking your frustration on your partner.

So if you just want to shell out your anger on someone, first try a mirror or run to a lonely place and scream.

Still if you think only beating up a person is what you want (Agsin that is not BDSM relationship), then just do it online... there r so many ppl in orkut and fb to do / take only this. Dont look for a real life partner just for this.

B) This is the kind who had learnt about what a real BDSM relationship is. But they waited waited and waited in BDSM communities, orkut, fb etc to find a real life partner. But couldnt succeed. If you belong to this class you would have known that BDSM is not just beating up or being dominated by. It takes two souls to unite and share the thoughts.

Here, let me ask you - "how many of your real world friends know that you are in this lifestyle?" 
So its certainly less discussed front. So it takes time. This is to even discuss it to a best friend in your life. Imagine discussing it to a new one in your life. May be I cant convince you... the wait is necessary.  But dont just get hung up in internet profiles and chats....

Try communities... learn...

At last you will realize that if you gain the confidence of a person with your care and love... they will become what you want; either your sub or dom. So just go out.... find a person u like... spend time... see whether you can be that much caring and loving to them to take them to the next level.

Once you make someone share just one of their sexual fantasy, then the other things pour out... and you will try them and continue pushing the limits...

The truth is as accepted by many, people dont know their submissive side till its exposed. Once exposed by a deserving partner, it never goes away if you could maintain the heat and passion in your relationship.


cheers,
Master Raj.

Whats BDSM?

BDSM is not about whips, canes, objectification, blood, water sport etc. It is not about abuse, hurt, locking your submissive in cage hearing her screams in agony and shame, it is not constant stupid punishment and inflecting of blind pain with no reason. it is not about using your submissive then throw her away when you board and search for new one , it is not about kinky sex. BDSM is simply way deeper than this. 

It comes from simple fundamental idea of two people who have mutual love on each other and where the love builds into a state of mind where you trust your partner unconditionally that what ever they do wont hurt you instead it will pleasure you to your core...

For a dom / master it is about knowing that your submissive is a human being who has dreams, emotions, heart and limits, it is about building up each other with pleasure, love and joy of knowing you share something that no one else understand as much as you both do, it is about feeling the spark of your Domination meeting her submission and work together perfectly against all odds and problems that life and hatred community throw at you.

It is about the peace you feel inside knowing you don't need to force anything because you already inspired your submissive to love what you do with her and how she is feel cherished and loved in ways no other can offer, it is about trusting yourself and your partner completely with everything you have knowing you put them in a position that they can hurt you but knowing they won't because they gave you the same, it is about knowing that you respect your submissive because she strong person that gave you all their life and being to pleases you. 

BDSM is about all what above and more and once you understand that you will know that this lifestyle offer safe heaven to everyone embracing it where either it is something extreme or light , there is always something for everyone and no matter what your desires are , you will find someone out there that share it with you.