Saturday, 22 March 2014

Some problems / hinderence and possible sollutions to the (people who wannabe part of real life) BDSM in India

[Disclaimer: I am not going to discuss here about the problems / hindrances faced by couple already into BDSM which are discussed in detail by very many bloggers who are much more experienced in the challenges they had in their relationship. I am here to discuss the problems faced by people who really want to find a suitable partner for a real life long term relationship with BDSM being the major part of it. ]

In a country like India, where even open talk on sex is assumed to be very rare, people who have desires to become a real life kinkster or those who aspire to find a partner with complementing desires do face a lot of problems or road-blocks. I try to list here some of them and give what I feel may solve such problems.

First of all, we do have too many fakes around. Being in a so proclaimed conservative society, we dont even talk about porn, (so forget about sexual desires) beyond close college friends. But internet came to the rescue where we can share anything post pics etc and that lead the rascals to take advantage. There are so many fakes who give false info on sex, age, desires etc even in online world. I can understand giving out phone number or address as there may be safety issues involved, and that to by your own misjudgement on how good / bad the other person is.... but u can always decline to give... y give false information? how coward are they to even give false age or sex? These are people who are not confident of who they are so they certainly cant be honest which is the most fundamental in a D/s lifestyle as mentioned in the previous posts.... so the first problem is fakes... and the solution is simple: right away block them and report fake profile to fb. But wait how will u identify who is fake...? after adding friends and while chatting u will identify... ask for asl once in a while... fakes wont remember what they said in the first place and more importantly they wont even remember chatting to you a week ago. And those info they provide will be different from what they have provided in their profile... Its not worth to waste our time with fakes... if u r looking for a real life friendship or any sort of relationship you should not even hesitate to even throw them out of your friend list... But dont just stop there... block them and report the fake account... this way we help other fellow kinksters from wasting their time...

After fakes then comes the time-passers / time wasters. I always considered them as equivalent to fakes. But recently in a discussion it has been pointed out to me that its not that worse as having fakes. These are people who wont want to get to know u... after asl? they will want u to ask "stats  or figure" or share pics or lead to sex chat... This type is ok for kids who are not yet in a stage to start a real life relationship or teens or unsatisfied married people who dont have the guts to break up and begin a new life that satisfy them (in the name of so called culture etc). But if you are looking to network with like minded people to share thoughts and ideas and probably discuss issues you faced or issues they had faced and probably try to get solutions to these... then these people are useless... I still follow the same principle to these ppl too as I follow with fakes - i.e. reporting and/or blocking... but some feel one or two of these in ur friend-list can help when u r bored, say on a sleepless night or a boring day at work. and considerable ppl in the discussion agreed to it so i am putting these as another category... so second problem in finding relationships thru online is "useless and jobless looser who are here just for time-pass and incompetent/impotents who are capable of doing sex in only in chats with strangers" and my solution is make sure such ppl dont cross over 2% of ur total friends then only it means u have the ability to make some friends.

So now coming to people who really want a BDSM partner... or fellow BDSMers as friends... We understand that any BDSM either friends or partners or chat mates or munch notifications, workshops or play party invitations have maximum reach and possibility through internet only. In India we dont have dedicated BDSM bars or open ads for events... Hell even my closest friends from any of the educational institutes (as in 3 schools, 2 colleges for UG and PG and 2 more where I worked) or colleges dont know I m into BDSM and so are most even those are leading a happy BDSM with their life partners soe even decades now. Due to the so called conservative society that we claim and of course prevailing in India for so long, we get our first friends in this lifestyle through internet. Almost all of us realize our desire for BDSM only when we accidentally get into BDSM porn or pages... coz this thing is not openly discussed in real life. So my consideration here is to make friends and possibly a partner through internet. Also due to time and other constraints I m only in fb and fl so I am posting in those sense only.

<more to continue... will finish this next week happy sunday, I know most of u will just want to rest today after a busy holi weekend>

Saturday, 1 March 2014

My theory on evolution (of BDSM of course)

Well its like different ppl have different level of passion for various things.
For example: one of my neighbors hates cricket; for a friend - its ok to watch while others in her home watch, I try to watch most India matches and i hv some friends who r so mad of cricket that they will watch all matches involving any country.
Similarly people with most passion in their love life... start with passionate - deep kissing which turn into love bites which move to little spanking and so on...
so its the mutual passion that drives the thought of kink and BDSM...  and its the mutual trust that makes it happen for the couple... 
Mere passion wont make it happen in a relationship... its the trust that adds value to the relationship... So any couple with mutual trust and passion for their love life will move to BDSM slowly and its the mutual sharing and proper communication that keeps them exploring their fantasies and the so called dark side... 

So, this I think is the evolution of BDSM - passion - kiss --> deep kiss --> love bites and depending on their fantasies it goes on; Add mutual trust that the dominant partner will not do any harm takes it to spank, pinch etc - and with mutual communication of what they like(d) lead them to understand and strengthen the bond and the spice of their love life... coz BDSM is not a harassment after all, its a consensual relationship between passionate, trustworthy and truly communicating partners!!!


Sunday, 21 April 2013

BDSM and the internet - not just an Indian perspective

SO here we go....

Its time to discuss about what is not BDSM....

First of all... BDSM is not just a fantasy that you do in internet....

Its a real lifestyle that people practice... I have met many real life couples in our own India who practice this lifestyle. But the truth we need to accept is that its not about the dress you wear... not about the phone u use... its not about the car or bike u drive... Its about the personal private affairs of that concerned couple...

So u dont get to know it... who is in this lifestyle... they can be ur neighbours, ur close relatives who enjoy this lifestyle when they get the enough privacy... But its like their bedroom affair so they wont come and tell you or they wont post pics in fb or g+ engaging in bondage etc...

But the key is to find a perfect partner... ?

May be or may be not... The question is how will you find one?

As I just mentioned, you dont know who practice it, then how will we know who wants to practice?...

The simple choice is of course create a fb or orkut profile just for your personal life style....

there are 100s of communities and 1000s of members who are part of it... so u can easily find fellow members who are interested in this life style...

But the major problem here is people suddenly jump in to what they call as roleplay.... U dumb asses roleplays are not something u do online.... Its something a couple do it in real life with their partner(s) or at least with some escort...

I would say people who do only online roleplays are the major shame that hinders the growth of the people in this lifestyle.... people who are interested in this having lifestyle (or so they think themselves) only in the internet are just cowards and mostly impotents that can do sex only in chats...

I just simply dont understand, are they aroused by seeing the words being typed than some hot pics or porn?.

Simply put, u can make them masturbate type these words in right order....

"asl dress? bdsm? sub/slave? stupid, slave, randi, sali, dumb, idiot, useless, worthless, bitch, Slap, spank, pinch, hair pull, bite,  s*ck, f*ck"  if ur a dom


" **<age>, <location>; some dress, sub/slave, thank you sir, hmmm, uhhhh (the number of m and h and a may varry depending on the so called story or plot considered... ") lol

And this is all they need to masturbate and they call themselves as kinksters or into BDSM... 
But actually these are impotents who cant satisfy a partner in real life hence they masturbate by seeing words....

Instead I choose internet to know fellow kinksters, share thoughts and opinions on this lifestyle... chat to REAL LIFE couples about how they met, how they broke the ice and started the conversation and currently how they manage the family, relatives and the society and what problems they have or thought they might encounter and how they countered or planning to counter them...

At least I made good friends and I am not impotent to do sex in chat nor i masturbate by seeing words... <I do hv over 2 TB porn :p)

Friday, 11 January 2013


This may be not just in India.

Many people have so many misconceptions about the lifestyle...

This blog post has two parts:
1. Misconceptions of others
2. Misconceptions of those who involve or want to involve in this lifestyle

This is a work that will be in progress for ever as I learn more and more misconceptions of people, I will keep on updating.

P.S. Kindly choose whether you belong to the first or the second category and skip to that section. I think people will not accept or believe that these misconceptions exist if they dont belong to that group.

1. Misconceptions of others

Isn't domination of another human being illegal?

I think no. While harassing another person or even any other living or even public property is an offence, dominating a sub is not at all a harassment. U think I am wrong? let me break it down...

Harassment has many forms - sexual harassment, street harassment, financial / caste / religious etc... But in all the cases it is an unwilling behavior against the other person. If the person accepts it willingly nothing is illegal. For ex. I can be prosecuted if I buy a naughty lingerie and ask a random girl to wear it tonight in bed with me only if the girl objects. The same girl will love it if she is my girl friend or my wife. So all I am trying to say is, some thing which is considered offensive by someone will be a willing thing for some others. 

Similar is the willingness to be submissive or being dominated. So unless your sub / slave feels offended and she complains to logal bodies, you cant be prosecuted.

Simply put if the girl is not offended by your behaviour, it is not harassment at all

BDSM encourages slavery which is illegal.

Again slavery has two parts. Treating one as an object but more importantly forcing them to do things against will. Where there is the will there is a way. If the person willingly accepts the things done by their master, who is there to object. Once no one is offended, no one else can objected. 

BDSM lifestyle is against Indian culture. In India we respect women. 

This is the best myth of all. India is the only country where the wife of a dead man is fired to death with the dead body of her husband It was British who prohibited sati among other such cultures in the great Indian tradition. 

Even Lord Ram is a hero for his monogamy (having only one spouse) only because his father had thousands. Multiple marriages was the actual Indian tradition. Monogamy was a changeover. 

As like many other countries, women were not educated until a few decades before. They were only treated as sexual and cooking machines. 

Yet we named most rivers in female names just as a mask. 

Can someone tell me what is Indian culture? India is a country of diverse cultures and so there is no single thing called "INDIAN".

More importantly BDSM is a personal life of that concerned couple and no one can define how they can life. 

2. Misconceptions of those who involve or want to involve in this lifestyle

Slave vs slut vs  sub

In fact I had only this topic in mind when I decided to write about the misconceptions. But I extended it to the misconceptions by others even before writing this. 

Many wannabe BDSM'ers wrongly use these words interchangeably. This is totally wrong. All these are totally different. 

A slave is someone treated as an object.

A slut is someone who sleeps with multiple partners when ever she wants.

A submissive is a committed person to her dom. 

One can clearly single out slut / whore / bitch / randi etc is totally different than a slave or a sub. More importantly even if your master / dom allows, you are not a slut. As in this case you certainly need your master's or dom's permission but a slut do it in her own interest for her urge or money or other favors. 

Now understanding the difference between a slave and sub is little tricky, it seems.... most ppl that I discussed with seems not to understand even after I explain it... So I thought deeply and now trying different words and few example situations... Hope it makes them understand :p

As I said a slave is meant to be treated as an object that is owned by her master. If I buy a pen, it is expected that I use it to write. But no one can tell me I should not do anything other than writing. And if i do other things the pen cant complain. I can bite it, chew it, break it etc.... 

Again I can do whatever I want to my sub too.... Slap, spank, gag, bite, tie-up, use chains, whip, clips, wax, etc on her... But the difference is that I cant do all I want on her on day 1. As a dom, i need to understand her limits and push them little by little.... 

Again based on the above point.... many people define a slave has no limits but a sub had certain limits of pain. This is true... but thats not the collective and inclusive definition or difference...

In my view... slave does whatever her master orders... so is a sub. But a slave can only be commanded but a sub does things of her own too... Again here this does not mean that a sub can disrespect her dom. But it is that she is not at all an object she is a cherished human. She also understands what and how her master likes and serves that. For ex. slave makes me chicken for lunch but only on order... but if its known that it is my favourite, a sub keeps chicken stocked and waits to surprise me when there was a day I forgot to mention what to cook. 

So Slave does whatever her master orders... but wait... so is the sub... but a sub also tries to satisfy her master if there was an opportunity where she dont hv any order. Like if there is nothing is ordered and the master is at work, a slave may just sit and do what she feels doing, while a sub will do things which she things will be a surprise for her dom...

But wait thats not all... 

Like the pen example I can do whatever I want to a slave and as well to my sub... but I dont even have to care for my slave but I SHOULD care for my sub. 

A dom sub relationship is built on mutual trust and care... in fact so is any relationship. I should give my sub the confidence that I wont do anything drastic to gain her submission... for a dom a sub is not an object... but is a gift that have to be cherished... Thus a don takes care of the sub not just uses them for their will. 

So a dom sub relationship comes with more responsibilities from both sides.... So its not easy to get a true sub... it has feelings, understandings and emotions... So if you cant deliver these and just want a physical relationship, just call it master - slave relationship....

In other words, people who are into BDSM and are meeting for a one night session, then dont call it a BDSM session... Coz in BDSM (for those who dont even know the full form, its not an abbreviation - its a compound initialism... (Dont know the difference between an abbreviation and a compound initialism... dont worry u will figure it out in a moment) is  bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M).) there is no "session" in BDSM. BDSM is a lifestyle and whether u r into B/d or d/s or s/m or the combination of these... its all relationships not one night sessions. So just call it master-slave session. 

More imp. if u hv limits, u r not slave... Any limits... like an uneducated person may not be able to earn a lot of money... some may not like name callings of their parents... some may not like scat, pee... if so u r not slave... 

The weird part is, truly speaking most Indians in BDSM life style are neither of these... They hv limits... so not a slave.... dont sleep with others... so not a slut... and unfortunately they r not givers... So they are not a sub.... this is true with most indian women (even vanilla women) ... they will let their men do what they want... but they just remain there enjoying the pleasure... they caress the bed in pleasure than their partner... they bite their own lips in ecstasy than they bite their partners... They close their eyes a lot lot more than they ever had the eye to eye conversation... I feel these r selfish... they wont even do anything (except may be kissing and blowjob)... They wont even know what their husbands / partners like... if u ask they will say my lips / eyes / boobs / pussy... For god sake every men like woman's lips, boobs and pussy... then y u r there... as a wife or partner... If u ask men... "what u wud like ur wife to do more for better sex life" they will tell they would love at least some caressing while they r fondling or doing stuff... and ya most may may say bigger boobs too... but ask women... for them caressing is nothing they will want only longer penis and prolonged erection... men too want... in fact as its a man's erection, he cant control it beyond a limit... but as a partner, the woman can prolong the erection... but even after the ejaculation men can finger to make them reach orgasm but these women they dont even caress y should they do? ya she cant do anything on the size of the penis and so are men on the size of the boobs... 

Yet again these are just definitions... But one can use these words interchangeably to call their partner. Once in a farewell to my colleague, at the end I gave her a kiss while send-off... now recently she got married and during her visit back to mumbai we had dinner with her new hubby... her hubby calls her sweety pie.... as i had kissed her b4 i surely know she neither smells or looks or tastes like any pie at all... So by definition she is not a pie but her hubby can call her...  So name calling ur partner is ok.... but dont call ur relationship wrongly in public or in communities or blogs... as ir gives a false impression. 

Monday, 24 December 2012

To the newbies in BDSM in India

In my opinion there has been always a sense of domination and submission in the Indian society. But only now, many people are coming out and expressing it in online communities. Sure with more people coming out and discussing, munches are also increasing.

But the wired part is with more BDSM content in the internet and many indians accepting themselves, more people are also getting desperate to get a partner of their liking. All I wana say them is patience is more valuable than frustration.

I feel there are at least  two kinds of people who get frustrated and depressed in search of BDSM:

A) I have come across many people who just get fond of tying up a partner or slapping them etc and assume it to be the BDSM relationship. It is much more than that. Thats y i made the "What is BDSM" post prior to this. Its not just hurting. The word domination is meant so cheap in the outer world. But in the BDSM world its more responsibility than just taking your frustration on your partner.

So if you just want to shell out your anger on someone, first try a mirror or run to a lonely place and scream.

Still if you think only beating up a person is what you want (Agsin that is not BDSM relationship), then just do it online... there r so many ppl in orkut and fb to do / take only this. Dont look for a real life partner just for this.

B) This is the kind who had learnt about what a real BDSM relationship is. But they waited waited and waited in BDSM communities, orkut, fb etc to find a real life partner. But couldnt succeed. If you belong to this class you would have known that BDSM is not just beating up or being dominated by. It takes two souls to unite and share the thoughts.

Here, let me ask you - "how many of your real world friends know that you are in this lifestyle?" 
So its certainly less discussed front. So it takes time. This is to even discuss it to a best friend in your life. Imagine discussing it to a new one in your life. May be I cant convince you... the wait is necessary.  But dont just get hung up in internet profiles and chats....

Try communities... learn...

At last you will realize that if you gain the confidence of a person with your care and love... they will become what you want; either your sub or dom. So just go out.... find a person u like... spend time... see whether you can be that much caring and loving to them to take them to the next level.

Once you make someone share just one of their sexual fantasy, then the other things pour out... and you will try them and continue pushing the limits...

The truth is as accepted by many, people dont know their submissive side till its exposed. Once exposed by a deserving partner, it never goes away if you could maintain the heat and passion in your relationship.

Master Raj.

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Whats BDSM?

BDSM is not about whips, canes, objectification, blood, water sport etc. It is not about abuse, hurt, locking your submissive in cage hearing her screams in agony and shame, it is not constant stupid punishment and inflecting of blind pain with no reason. it is not about using your submissive then throw her away when you board and search for new one , it is not about kinky sex. BDSM is simply way deeper than this. 

It comes from simple fundamental idea of two people who have mutual love on each other and where the love builds into a state of mind where you trust your partner unconditionally that what ever they do wont hurt you instead it will pleasure you to your core...

For a dom / master it is about knowing that your submissive is a human being who has dreams, emotions, heart and limits, it is about building up each other with pleasure, love and joy of knowing you share something that no one else understand as much as you both do, it is about feeling the spark of your Domination meeting her submission and work together perfectly against all odds and problems that life and hatred community throw at you.

It is about the peace you feel inside knowing you don't need to force anything because you already inspired your submissive to love what you do with her and how she is feel cherished and loved in ways no other can offer, it is about trusting yourself and your partner completely with everything you have knowing you put them in a position that they can hurt you but knowing they won't because they gave you the same, it is about knowing that you respect your submissive because she strong person that gave you all their life and being to pleases you. 

BDSM is about all what above and more and once you understand that you will know that this lifestyle offer safe heaven to everyone embracing it where either it is something extreme or light , there is always something for everyone and no matter what your desires are , you will find someone out there that share it with you.