How would I explain BDSM to a layman?

-- Again a generic post not necessarily to India but explained with Indian type examples.

Well life is peculiar. Even the 5 fingers in my hand are so different from one another... So no wonder that people are too.

For instance my grandma yells at me/my younger brother when ever we switch the TV channel from a serial to a cricket match. While my dad is OK to watch world cup matches when India plays. I am equally content enough to follow the scores in cricinfo if I had to work that day, while my bro watches at least the highlights of every match (not just India match, even all the group A match or even a Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh series). [BTW My mom just watches what ever we watch, just as a mute spectator even when her favorite serials are on but get the updates from her friends later that day if we were watching some educational programs or cricket or wwe coz she knows we like them and they are not daily things like the serials].

Similarly, among my friends, me and this one other guy can handle any amount of spiciness in the food (mostly chicken kolapuri or malwani or kadai or handi) when we go for night outs and we add pepper powder to the already spicy gravy and sip into the gravy while having the drink instead of the chicken chicken pieces we sip into gravy as sidedish. While some opt for less spicy dishes while some simply go for boiled eggs or salads.

All I am coming to say from the above two sets of examples is, each and every individual is different and they have different levels of liking or passion for a given thing. The same holds true even wrt physical relationship... (can hear your mind voices saying "FINALLY HE IS starting SOMETHING ABOUT BDSM IN INDIA", chill folks the topic is about how I explain BDSM to a layman)

So different people different level of spiciness in their physical relationships.

Some may like it not at all spicy. Read some books, go in tough, kiss and insert, cum and get off and GTS (go to sleep - <missing C.M. Punk? anyone???>). These are people who just do it to have kids so that the social stigma of being impotent is not associated to them.

Some may like it little spicy, have some dreams, may plan the activity, may start with some candle light dinner, have some special lingerie etc and involve in the activity and enjoy it sensually with or without hardcore activity.

While some, people like me and most of you too, who are regular visitors, like it the most spicy way...

We prefer hard grasp or press or squeeze so that the nail marks is impinged on the partner's skin than just caressing her / him...
we like biting into our partners than kissing them...
We like spanking, hair pulling, slapping, pinching and so many more...

Its so easy to say, we are not just content with her cheeks blushing in the romantic mood but we want her whole body to get pink...

And more importantly she too wants to be taken that way... ONLY THAT WAY... For her, as most subs feel, being taken the way the partner wants is their ultimate satisfaction, leaving the control to Him and being there for him and let him go and encouraging to make him go further, harder and more intense is the pleasure...

And this is what we call BDSM. And the partner who gives up the control is called submissive and the one who takes charge and the rights is called the Dominant partner. And as they say every right comes with a great responsibility... The dominant dont just take her for granted. He has to behave responsibly and read thru her mind which level of intense is pleasure and when to slow down - though he desires to keep rising the bar, every next time.

This is just an intro on BDSM and the two terms referred to the partners involved. There are so many... keep reading more. I am sure you will also realize the eternal or spiritual aspects of it if you and your partner mutually like it.

The result of some test i had given about my BDSM desires...

Master/Mistress (96%)

Masters/Mistresses receive complete control over the life of their slave(s), and all responsibilities that come with it. They go a step further than dominants in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Their primary focus is to create a stable and safe environment for their slave(s), to allow optimal servitude.

Masters/Mistresses typically pair up with slaves.

Degradation Giver (89%)

Degradation givers like to degrade and humiliate their play partner(s), either by acting upon them in a degrading way, or by or by forcing them to do things they consider degrading. Consent hereby is always assumed.

Degradation givers typically pair up with degradation receivers.

Sadist (84%)

Sadists enjoy inflicting (certain types of) pain on their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Consent hereby is always assumed.

Sadists typically pair up with masochists.

Daddy/Mommy (79%)

Daddies/Mommies take on a caretaker role in the relationship, being a guide as much a dominant. Daddies/Mommies dominate their little treasure submissives with an iron fist in a velvet glove: much cuddly and affectionate on the outside, while being as sturdy and hard on the inside as other dominants. Using subtle psychological mechanisms rather than brute power, they nurture their littles into obedience.

Daddies/Mommies typically pair up with girls/boys.

Dominant (79%)

Dominants like to be in charge. Some like to have their partner obey them without questioning, others like some resistance while taking it their way. Some are dominant only in the bedroom, others are dominant throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the top roles (giving paina/bondage/degradation), being dominant is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.

Dominants typically pair up with submissives.

Brat Tamer (73%)

Brat tamers are, in essence, dominants who can handle naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness from the submissive's side, rather than a form of rudeness, and will take no offence to it, but will still teach the sub a lesson (because, of course, that's why the bratty sub shows such behavior).

Brat Tamers typically pair up with brats.

Bondage Giver (68%)

Bondage givers like to tie up and restrain their partner(s), using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, speaders...). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy having their partners completely at their mercy.

Bondage givers typically pair up with bondage receivers.

Primal (Predator) (60%)

Primals are mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey can become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator (you).

Predators typically pair up with preys.

Experimentalist (50%)

Experimentalists want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out.

Experimentalists typically pair up with other experimentalists.

Vanilla (46%)

Vanilla people have a more traditional view on relationships and sexuality. They're not in need of kink at all, instead they settle for the standard sexuality and relationship model that our society presents them.

Vanillas typically pair up with other vanillas.

Masochist (25%)

Masochists enjoy receiving (certain types of) pain from their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Masochism is independent of pain tolerance: it is purely about the ability to enjoy certain levels of pain.

Masochists typically pair up with sadists.

Non-monogamist (25%)

Non-monogamists don't see sexuality as necessarily a 1 on 1 thing. Whether this means they will have several relationships or just see other people outside their relationship (or have even more exquisite constructions) depends entirely on the person and the situation, but they all have one thing in common: their sexuality is more than just between them and one fixed partner.

Non-monogamists typically pair up with (several) other non-monogamists.

Primal (Prey) (20%)

Primals are mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey (you) can become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator.

Preys typically pair up with predators.

Switch (16%)

Switches like to... well, switch. Always taking a dominant or top position is not for them, neither is always taking a submissive or bottom position. Some prefer to switch with the same partner or partners, others have a dominant play partner and a submissive play partner, but in either case they don't fit on one end point of the spectrum.

Switches typically pair up with other switches.

Slave (8%)

Slaves completely hand over the control and responsibilities over their life to their master/mistress. They go a step further than submissives in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Serving their master/mistress is their primary focus in life and they rarely have limits for them.

Slaves typically pair up with masters/mistresses.

All-Rounder (4%)

All-rounders have no specific preferences to either category. It doesn't matter who's in charge and who inflicts what on who, they all like (or dislike) it equally much. They have no other suitable category here.

All-rounders typically pair up with other all-rounders.

Bondage Receiver (4%)

Bondage receivers likes to be tied up and restrained, using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, speaders...). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy being totally at the mercy of their partner(s).

Bondage receivers typically pair up with bondage givers.

Exhibitionist (4%)

Exhibitionists enjoy showing their naked body or a sexual activity to other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being shown this, should be looking for such encounter or not.

Exhibitionists typically pair up with voyeurs.

Girl/Boy (4%)

Littles (girls/boys) are submissive spirits that mix childlike innocence with naughty sexual curiosity. They long for a nurturing loving dominant who plays a guiding, almost parental role in their lives. While they require a softer approach to be dominated than most other submissives, their submission can go a lot deeper and sometimes rival those of slaves.

Girls/boys typically pair up with daddies/mommies.

Pervert (4%)

Perverts are sexual freethinkers, not afraid to set traditional views and ethics aside to do what their own value system tells them is best. With their 'anything goes' mentality they will not let societal rules or expectations get in the way of their heart (or, for that matter, their genitals).

Perverts typically pair up with other perverts.

Brat (0%)

Brats are, in essence, naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness rather than a form of rudeness, and require a compatible dominant who will not only teach them a lesson, but also accept that any number of lessons might still not necessarily change this behavior.

Brats typically pair up with brat tamers.

Degradation Receiver (0%)

Degradation receiver like to be degraded and humiliated by their play partner(s), either by being acted upon in a degrading way, or by being forced do things they consider degrading.

Degradation receivers typically pair up with degradation givers.

Submissive (0%)

Submissives like to follow. Some like to give the control away to their partner(s), some like to have it forcibly taken from them. Some are submissive only in the bedroom, others are submissive throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the bottom roles (receiving pain/bondage/degradation), being submissive is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.

Submissives typically pair up with dominants.

Voyeur (0%)

Voyeurs enjoy watching the nakedness or sexual activity of other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being watched should be aware of this, or not.

Voyeurs typically pair up with exhibitionists.


the link is https://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=176336