Again in India we do have so many problems even in a love marriage. Even there is a concept called honor killing and I think there are so many movies in all woods (as in bolly, kolly, tolly etc) about the lovers being killed either by their lover's folks or even by their own family when they fall in love...
Its weird that we raise our colors that INDIA is a secular country and all religions and castes and languages co-exist. In fact its only in India there is so much communal dispute. In the west even christians and jews are allowed to marry mostly.
Interestingly movie stars make an exception here... where we have seen kapoors and aroras had married Khans... Rai married Bachchan... In fact most leading heros are married to a woman of a different religion or caste be it Jr. Bachchan, SRK, Saif, Hrithik, Rajinikanth, Kamala hasan, etc etc
Yes nowadays some educated parents are not that caste mad and are open for inter caste marriage. But the racist and caste mad killers out number these educated ones by a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE margin.
As BDSM is already treated as a taboo in our country, how do
we go about finding a true partner? I had discussed with many many real life
couples in real life in munches etc. and had formulated a 4 step rule which I think
might work in most cases.
1)
Make a list of what you want.
First one should understand that real life
BDSM is not necessarily like what is shown in BDSM porn or in the 50 shades
trilogy book series. By that I mean not all can be that trained pornstars nor
can everyone be as rich as Christian grey. More importantly one should know
even if u get into a marriage u still need your social life like attending the
weddings, parties of friends and relatives. So there will be the same
requirements of any other couple to lead a life. This mean what kind of
lifestyle u want – income, partners work, partners liking, family background,
amenities in the house like TV, fridge, washing machine AC, bike, car etc. So
list what kind of partner you want like any other couple would do. While doing
this exercise itself will give u the thoughts of what u really want.
2)
Make a list of what your parents will
want
Though we live in 21st century
and even our parents are mostly educated and at times even eat pizzas, burgers
etc, still caste system exists in India. We still have honor killings, parents
beating up the lovers if they r from a different caste or beating up or house
arresting or yelling at or stop talking to their own kids if they fall in love.
So its necessary to assess what the parents might want. Especially girls I feel
need the care of their parents in various future stages of life.
a)
And this list will be easy. We just need to
assess how much caste mad or religion mad or language mad or country mad are
our parents. That will be the first point. Though now some parents are liberal
in these things, the ratio is still negligible.
b)
Second comes the salary of the partner or the
industry or field of work.
c)
Then comes family back ground.
In my view these are the three
things parents would stress on.
3)
Ready to spend time and knowing people
Once we had don’t the above two steps, we
would have evaluated ourself what we want and what our parents might give their
approval for. And believe me even though the criteria will be more, you will
certainly find a partner satisfying at least 80% of these criteria. There are
people interested in rough sex in all caste community, creed, language, state
and counties. Its just that people are no open about it. Think of yourself. Do
even ur closest friends (not fb or orkut frinds here I mean real life riends)
or 4AM buddies know about ur fetish or kink or BDSM side?
So we don’t share it in real life space. So
online space is the best way to discuss these things, at least in a country
like ours. So once u r clear of what u want one should stop reducing the time
of online roleplays and try engaging in decent intro conversation about each
other.
U may not be ready to tell ur real name.
Just keep a screen name. No need to share phone number until some understanding
and mutual confidence is built. No need to share your exact company name its
simple to say the industry of field of work and the city. Chat a lot in gmail
or fb or yahoo or any other chat facility over internet. Get to know as many
people as possible. If some level of confidence is built then you can slowly
share personal info like by buying a second sim only for this purpose and share
it with the other person and give them the tie u will switch to that sim
(nowadays dual sim mobiles are so casual. In any case we may not have a problem
to switch sim cards say from 10:30 PM to 11:00 PM or any time towards ur bed
time). Chat and try to understand as many people as u can. You might get some
good friends at least. It may take even years to find a real life partner for a
long term relationship like marriage.
4)
Be willing to meet in real
Yes this might sound scary. But I m not
saying go and meet every one u chat with. All I am saying is after say a month
of daily chats, be open to meet people in real life. Yes strictly make all
precautions.
a)
Make sure u meet in a public place. I would not
prefer a coffee shop or a cozy restaurant for the first meet. Rather I would prefer
a beach or a park.
b)
When u r comfortable and wish to meet in
someones home then make sure there is no hidden cam etc. till u fall truely in
love don’t commit for a pic or vid together especially if u r scared.
Be straightforward and reduce
temptation for touch and other physical activities. And don’t try to be over
smart / attractive. I hate women coming in low neck exposing cleavage or mini-skirts
for the first meet or even after seeing some relationship I hate it even if she
comes in some sexy dress even for the first date (meet meaning public place
date meaning a dinner or coffee which comes after 4 or 5 meets).
Then try to convince parents.
Nowadays most marriages are fixed thru matrimony sites. As we had chosen the
partner considering what parents would have wanted form the son / daughter in –
law (as per rule no. 2), just sending
marriage interest thru a matrimony site will seal the deal.
Hope this list of rules is
convincing.
Again in India we do have so many problems even in a love marriage. Even there is a concept called honor killing and I think there are so many movies in all woods (as in bolly, kolly, tolly etc) about the lovers being killed either by their lover's folks or even by their own family when they fall in love...
Its weird that we raise our colors that INDIA is a secular country and all religions and castes and languages co-exist. In fact its only in India there is so much communal dispute. In the west even christians and jews are allowed to marry mostly.
Interestingly movie stars make an exception here... where we have seen kapoors and aroras had married Khans... Rai married Bachchan... In fact most leading heros are married to a woman of a different religion or caste be it Jr. Bachchan, SRK, Saif, Hrithik, Rajinikanth, Kamala hasan, etc etc
Yes nowadays some educated parents are not that caste mad and are open for inter caste marriage. But the racist and caste mad killers out number these educated ones by a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE margin.
As BDSM is already treated as a taboo in our country, how do
we go about finding a true partner? I had discussed with many many real life
couples in real life in munches etc. and had formulated a 4 step rule which I think
might work in most cases.
1)
Make a list of what you want.
First one should understand that real life
BDSM is not necessarily like what is shown in BDSM porn or in the 50 shades
trilogy book series. By that I mean not all can be that trained pornstars nor
can everyone be as rich as Christian grey. More importantly one should know
even if u get into a marriage u still need your social life like attending the
weddings, parties of friends and relatives. So there will be the same
requirements of any other couple to lead a life. This mean what kind of
lifestyle u want – income, partners work, partners liking, family background,
amenities in the house like TV, fridge, washing machine AC, bike, car etc. So
list what kind of partner you want like any other couple would do. While doing
this exercise itself will give u the thoughts of what u really want.
2)
Make a list of what your parents will
want
Though we live in 21st century
and even our parents are mostly educated and at times even eat pizzas, burgers
etc, still caste system exists in India. We still have honor killings, parents
beating up the lovers if they r from a different caste or beating up or house
arresting or yelling at or stop talking to their own kids if they fall in love.
So its necessary to assess what the parents might want. Especially girls I feel
need the care of their parents in various future stages of life.
a)
And this list will be easy. We just need to
assess how much caste mad or religion mad or language mad or country mad are
our parents. That will be the first point. Though now some parents are liberal
in these things, the ratio is still negligible.
b)
Second comes the salary of the partner or the
industry or field of work.
c)
Then comes family back ground.
In my view these are the three
things parents would stress on.
3)
Ready to spend time and knowing people
Once we had don’t the above two steps, we
would have evaluated ourself what we want and what our parents might give their
approval for. And believe me even though the criteria will be more, you will
certainly find a partner satisfying at least 80% of these criteria. There are
people interested in rough sex in all caste community, creed, language, state
and counties. Its just that people are no open about it. Think of yourself. Do
even ur closest friends (not fb or orkut frinds here I mean real life riends)
or 4AM buddies know about ur fetish or kink or BDSM side?
So we don’t share it in real life space. So
online space is the best way to discuss these things, at least in a country
like ours. So once u r clear of what u want one should stop reducing the time
of online roleplays and try engaging in decent intro conversation about each
other.
U may not be ready to tell ur real name.
Just keep a screen name. No need to share phone number until some understanding
and mutual confidence is built. No need to share your exact company name its
simple to say the industry of field of work and the city. Chat a lot in gmail
or fb or yahoo or any other chat facility over internet. Get to know as many
people as possible. If some level of confidence is built then you can slowly
share personal info like by buying a second sim only for this purpose and share
it with the other person and give them the tie u will switch to that sim
(nowadays dual sim mobiles are so casual. In any case we may not have a problem
to switch sim cards say from 10:30 PM to 11:00 PM or any time towards ur bed
time). Chat and try to understand as many people as u can. You might get some
good friends at least. It may take even years to find a real life partner for a
long term relationship like marriage.
4)
Be willing to meet in real
Yes this might sound scary. But I m not
saying go and meet every one u chat with. All I am saying is after say a month
of daily chats, be open to meet people in real life. Yes strictly make all
precautions.
a)
Make sure u meet in a public place. I would not
prefer a coffee shop or a cozy restaurant for the first meet. Rather I would prefer
a beach or a park.
b)
When u r comfortable and wish to meet in
someones home then make sure there is no hidden cam etc. till u fall truely in
love don’t commit for a pic or vid together especially if u r scared.
Be straightforward and reduce
temptation for touch and other physical activities. And don’t try to be over
smart / attractive. I hate women coming in low neck exposing cleavage or mini-skirts
for the first meet or even after seeing some relationship I hate it even if she
comes in some sexy dress even for the first date (meet meaning public place
date meaning a dinner or coffee which comes after 4 or 5 meets).
Then try to convince parents.
Nowadays most marriages are fixed thru matrimony sites. As we had chosen the
partner considering what parents would have wanted form the son / daughter in –
law (as per rule no. 2), just sending
marriage interest thru a matrimony site will seal the deal.
Hope this list of rules is
convincing.
