How would I explain BDSM to a layman?

-- Again a generic post not necessarily to India but explained with Indian type examples.

Well life is peculiar. Even the 5 fingers in my hand are so different from one another... So no wonder that people are too.

For instance my grandma yells at me/my younger brother when ever we switch the TV channel from a serial to a cricket match. While my dad is OK to watch world cup matches when India plays. I am equally content enough to follow the scores in cricinfo if I had to work that day, while my bro watches at least the highlights of every match (not just India match, even all the group A match or even a Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh series). [BTW My mom just watches what ever we watch, just as a mute spectator even when her favorite serials are on but get the updates from her friends later that day if we were watching some educational programs or cricket or wwe coz she knows we like them and they are not daily things like the serials].

Similarly, among my friends, me and this one other guy can handle any amount of spiciness in the food (mostly chicken kolapuri or malwani or kadai or handi) when we go for night outs and we add pepper powder to the already spicy gravy and sip into the gravy while having the drink instead of the chicken chicken pieces we sip into gravy as sidedish. While some opt for less spicy dishes while some simply go for boiled eggs or salads.

All I am coming to say from the above two sets of examples is, each and every individual is different and they have different levels of liking or passion for a given thing. The same holds true even wrt physical relationship... (can hear your mind voices saying "FINALLY HE IS starting SOMETHING ABOUT BDSM IN INDIA", chill folks the topic is about how I explain BDSM to a layman)

So different people different level of spiciness in their physical relationships.

Some may like it not at all spicy. Read some books, go in tough, kiss and insert, cum and get off and GTS (go to sleep - <missing C.M. Punk? anyone???>). These are people who just do it to have kids so that the social stigma of being impotent is not associated to them.

Some may like it little spicy, have some dreams, may plan the activity, may start with some candle light dinner, have some special lingerie etc and involve in the activity and enjoy it sensually with or without hardcore activity.

While some, people like me and most of you too, who are regular visitors, like it the most spicy way...

We prefer hard grasp or press or squeeze so that the nail marks is impinged on the partner's skin than just caressing her / him...
we like biting into our partners than kissing them...
We like spanking, hair pulling, slapping, pinching and so many more...

Its so easy to say, we are not just content with her cheeks blushing in the romantic mood but we want her whole body to get pink...

And more importantly she too wants to be taken that way... ONLY THAT WAY... For her, as most subs feel, being taken the way the partner wants is their ultimate satisfaction, leaving the control to Him and being there for him and let him go and encouraging to make him go further, harder and more intense is the pleasure...

And this is what we call BDSM. And the partner who gives up the control is called submissive and the one who takes charge and the rights is called the Dominant partner. And as they say every right comes with a great responsibility... The dominant dont just take her for granted. He has to behave responsibly and read thru her mind which level of intense is pleasure and when to slow down - though he desires to keep rising the bar, every next time.

This is just an intro on BDSM and the two terms referred to the partners involved. There are so many... keep reading more. I am sure you will also realize the eternal or spiritual aspects of it if you and your partner mutually like it.

The result of some test i had given about my BDSM desires...

Master/Mistress (96%)

Masters/Mistresses receive complete control over the life of their slave(s), and all responsibilities that come with it. They go a step further than dominants in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Their primary focus is to create a stable and safe environment for their slave(s), to allow optimal servitude.

Masters/Mistresses typically pair up with slaves.

Degradation Giver (89%)

Degradation givers like to degrade and humiliate their play partner(s), either by acting upon them in a degrading way, or by or by forcing them to do things they consider degrading. Consent hereby is always assumed.

Degradation givers typically pair up with degradation receivers.

Sadist (84%)

Sadists enjoy inflicting (certain types of) pain on their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Consent hereby is always assumed.

Sadists typically pair up with masochists.

Daddy/Mommy (79%)

Daddies/Mommies take on a caretaker role in the relationship, being a guide as much a dominant. Daddies/Mommies dominate their little treasure submissives with an iron fist in a velvet glove: much cuddly and affectionate on the outside, while being as sturdy and hard on the inside as other dominants. Using subtle psychological mechanisms rather than brute power, they nurture their littles into obedience.

Daddies/Mommies typically pair up with girls/boys.

Dominant (79%)

Dominants like to be in charge. Some like to have their partner obey them without questioning, others like some resistance while taking it their way. Some are dominant only in the bedroom, others are dominant throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the top roles (giving paina/bondage/degradation), being dominant is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.

Dominants typically pair up with submissives.

Brat Tamer (73%)

Brat tamers are, in essence, dominants who can handle naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness from the submissive's side, rather than a form of rudeness, and will take no offence to it, but will still teach the sub a lesson (because, of course, that's why the bratty sub shows such behavior).

Brat Tamers typically pair up with brats.

Bondage Giver (68%)

Bondage givers like to tie up and restrain their partner(s), using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, speaders...). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy having their partners completely at their mercy.

Bondage givers typically pair up with bondage receivers.

Primal (Predator) (60%)

Primals are mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey can become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator (you).

Predators typically pair up with preys.

Experimentalist (50%)

Experimentalists want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out.

Experimentalists typically pair up with other experimentalists.

Vanilla (46%)

Vanilla people have a more traditional view on relationships and sexuality. They're not in need of kink at all, instead they settle for the standard sexuality and relationship model that our society presents them.

Vanillas typically pair up with other vanillas.

Masochist (25%)

Masochists enjoy receiving (certain types of) pain from their partner(s), usually in a sexual context. Masochism is independent of pain tolerance: it is purely about the ability to enjoy certain levels of pain.

Masochists typically pair up with sadists.

Non-monogamist (25%)

Non-monogamists don't see sexuality as necessarily a 1 on 1 thing. Whether this means they will have several relationships or just see other people outside their relationship (or have even more exquisite constructions) depends entirely on the person and the situation, but they all have one thing in common: their sexuality is more than just between them and one fixed partner.

Non-monogamists typically pair up with (several) other non-monogamists.

Primal (Prey) (20%)

Primals are mainly focused on their natural instincts and they enjoy letting their inner animal out during sex. The key part for primals play is that the participants show their raw, emotional sexual feelings during play. All of the labels, roles, and protocols go out the window, and the prey (you) can become a snarling, growing, clawing animal hell-bent on getting away from its predator.

Preys typically pair up with predators.

Switch (16%)

Switches like to... well, switch. Always taking a dominant or top position is not for them, neither is always taking a submissive or bottom position. Some prefer to switch with the same partner or partners, others have a dominant play partner and a submissive play partner, but in either case they don't fit on one end point of the spectrum.

Switches typically pair up with other switches.

Slave (8%)

Slaves completely hand over the control and responsibilities over their life to their master/mistress. They go a step further than submissives in the sense that their power exchange is present 24/7 and in all aspects of their life (except for negotiated exceptions such as during their office jobs). Serving their master/mistress is their primary focus in life and they rarely have limits for them.

Slaves typically pair up with masters/mistresses.

All-Rounder (4%)

All-rounders have no specific preferences to either category. It doesn't matter who's in charge and who inflicts what on who, they all like (or dislike) it equally much. They have no other suitable category here.

All-rounders typically pair up with other all-rounders.

Bondage Receiver (4%)

Bondage receivers likes to be tied up and restrained, using rope and/or other attributes (chains, cuffs, speaders...). Whether for sexual enhancement, for art or just for fun, they enjoy being totally at the mercy of their partner(s).

Bondage receivers typically pair up with bondage givers.

Exhibitionist (4%)

Exhibitionists enjoy showing their naked body or a sexual activity to other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being shown this, should be looking for such encounter or not.

Exhibitionists typically pair up with voyeurs.

Girl/Boy (4%)

Littles (girls/boys) are submissive spirits that mix childlike innocence with naughty sexual curiosity. They long for a nurturing loving dominant who plays a guiding, almost parental role in their lives. While they require a softer approach to be dominated than most other submissives, their submission can go a lot deeper and sometimes rival those of slaves.

Girls/boys typically pair up with daddies/mommies.

Pervert (4%)

Perverts are sexual freethinkers, not afraid to set traditional views and ethics aside to do what their own value system tells them is best. With their 'anything goes' mentality they will not let societal rules or expectations get in the way of their heart (or, for that matter, their genitals).

Perverts typically pair up with other perverts.

Brat (0%)

Brats are, in essence, naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness rather than a form of rudeness, and require a compatible dominant who will not only teach them a lesson, but also accept that any number of lessons might still not necessarily change this behavior.

Brats typically pair up with brat tamers.

Degradation Receiver (0%)

Degradation receiver like to be degraded and humiliated by their play partner(s), either by being acted upon in a degrading way, or by being forced do things they consider degrading.

Degradation receivers typically pair up with degradation givers.

Submissive (0%)

Submissives like to follow. Some like to give the control away to their partner(s), some like to have it forcibly taken from them. Some are submissive only in the bedroom, others are submissive throughout their daily life as well (usually with limitations). Unlike the bottom roles (receiving pain/bondage/degradation), being submissive is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.

Submissives typically pair up with dominants.

Voyeur (0%)

Voyeurs enjoy watching the nakedness or sexual activity of other people. Definitions vary with respect to whether those being watched should be aware of this, or not.

Voyeurs typically pair up with exhibitionists.


the link is https://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=176336

Misconceptions in most newbies - my personal view

<I know a similar post was made some time ago that included the misconceptions of others.. while here I focus more on the misconceptions some newbies fell into, So some points may b similar>

With respect to India at least (I am Indian so i can only know the culture here and can only share what I feel or my view) , only recently, may b for the past few years, we have started to hear about BDSM an that too 99% only in internet... And the thing is that the source of what BDSM is mostly thru porn... (I hoe most will accept that more indians watch porn than being part in community sites like fetlife).
Having said that any movie (let alone BDSM porn, even the mainstream holly/bolly or anyother woods) should be exaggerated or in other words lot more than real life to keep the fans or the viewer interested... - be it some masala daces or some fights or some science fiction - the makers of any movie have to keep stuff above real life... and so is the BDSM porn - mostly they shoot in a complete private place where only the crew goes r the whole area is rented for the time of shooting and to give the look of a public place they might post some members on the sides of the camera view... But from the viewers point of view it sounds like people do BDSM openly in US... (yes there are few BDSM bars in US or some european countries) which is completely wrong... many many couples practice it in their home even in India... Just that we Dont know what my neighbor do in their bedroom or in their privacy...
All we get to see is the exaggerated porn... of course even sharukh or salman or any actor for that matter had acted with many partners / heroines and so will b the BDSM porn stars... and like in even mainstream cinema, there are love triangles or exhibitionist item girl; Similarly a porn star acting in a BDSM movie cant move around in a 8 foot saree the whole movie but people assume all slaves or submissive women to be exhibitionist in public.
And even worse case is, many doms think that just by claiming dom gives them the right to use multiple women, or use some limited time contract <as made popular by the 50 shades (of crap) trilogy> as if its their birth right to use a sub for some limited time and as if upgrading to a new mobile or gadget, move to another girl... which i dont agree on personally... as simple as that...
AS almost every one thinks the same way, newbies think that if i hv interest in this D/s relationship i have to accept the fact that all doms will leave me after some days and hece make the most out of what I get...

But here I really want to make it on record that I had seen many many real lfe monogamous couples who do practice only one partner style Real life BDSM relationship, either in their marriage or in a live-in basis... Hope at least those newbie subs who get the chance to read this will wait for the right dom and not rush into some abusive relationship if they prefer a monogamous relationship, where they can look like any other loving couple in front of their family and friends but be a D/s in their bedroom or in their privacy...

I know some will say its double standards and slave means to be caged etc crap but come on grow up guys... life is always social... just coz nowadays we spend more time in fb or fl etc., due to the fast life or most youngsters from small towns move to cities for corporate jobs, that dont mean any one can live completely devoid of their parents and relatives... the same applies to subs too...
One should understand love, care, gaining the trust and complete protection (if need be) and providing complete satisfaction, not just in bed but in all aspects of a realistic life is the first and foremost quality of a Dominant than just beating up and using the girl as a fuck toy.
Any one can use whips, bamboo sticks, belts, etc... that dont mean they are a Dom / Master... its true possessiveness and gaining the complete trust and providing complete care and protection (if need be) and taking the sub to the next level not just as a sub but also as a person makes a person a dom. Without these qualities, its only Just female harassment... whether its just a internet relationship or a real life relationship....
This is what i see in my opinion. I m not preaching anything... and certainly i m not here for internet fun or timepass... So i had done lot of reading and conversed with many real life couples and this is what i understood to the small brain God had presented me with...
just my journal entry... and my personal view on how i want MY D/s relationship should be ow what are my responsibilities.... Sure there will be criticisms... as i m planing to post this in some groups too... <like i did in one other group and earned a lot of enemies lols and name callings ROFL> A lot most likely... lets see.. how far it goes in bad mouthing etc..

Following Discussion (stop following) | edit post

The 4 step rule to get married to a partner of your choice - My way

Again in India we do have so many problems even in a love marriage. Even there is a concept called honor killing and I think there are so many movies in all woods (as in bolly, kolly, tolly etc) about the lovers being killed either by their lover's folks or even by their own family when they fall in love...


Its weird that we raise our colors that INDIA is a secular country and all religions and castes and languages co-exist. In fact its only in India there is so much communal dispute. In the west even christians and jews are allowed to marry mostly.

Interestingly movie stars make an exception here... where we have seen kapoors and aroras had married Khans... Rai married Bachchan... In fact most leading heros are married to a woman of a different religion or caste be it Jr. Bachchan, SRK, Saif, Hrithik, Rajinikanth, Kamala hasan, etc etc


Yes nowadays some educated parents are not that caste mad and are open for inter caste marriage. But the racist and caste mad killers out number these educated ones by a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE margin.

As BDSM is already treated as a taboo in our country, how do we go about finding a true partner? I had discussed with many many real life couples in real life in munches etc. and had formulated a 4 step rule which I think might work in most cases.

1)      Make a list of what you want.

First one should understand that real life BDSM is not necessarily like what is shown in BDSM porn or in the 50 shades trilogy book series. By that I mean not all can be that trained pornstars nor can everyone be as rich as Christian grey. More importantly one should know even if u get into a marriage u still need your social life like attending the weddings, parties of friends and relatives. So there will be the same requirements of any other couple to lead a life. This mean what kind of lifestyle u want – income, partners work, partners liking, family background, amenities in the house like TV, fridge, washing machine AC, bike, car etc. So list what kind of partner you want like any other couple would do. While doing this exercise itself will give u the thoughts of what u really want.

2)      Make a list of what your parents will want

Though we live in 21^st century and even our parents are mostly educated and at times even eat pizzas, burgers etc, still caste system exists in India. We still have honor killings, parents beating up the lovers if they r from a different caste or beating up or house arresting or yelling at or stop talking to their own kids if they fall in love. So its necessary to assess what the parents might want. Especially girls I feel need the care of their parents in various future stages of life.

a)      And this list will be easy. We just need to assess how much caste mad or religion mad or language mad or country mad are our parents. That will be the first point. Though now some parents are liberal in these things, the ratio is still negligible.

b)      Second comes the salary of the partner or the industry or field of work.

c)       Then comes family back ground.

In my view these are the three things parents would stress on.

3)      Ready to spend time and knowing people

Once we had don’t the above two steps, we would have evaluated ourself what we want and what our parents might give their approval for. And believe me even though the criteria will be more, you will certainly find a partner satisfying at least 80% of these criteria. There are people interested in rough sex in all caste community, creed, language, state and counties. Its just that people are no open about it. Think of yourself. Do even ur closest friends (not fb or orkut frinds here I mean real life riends) or 4AM buddies know about ur fetish or kink or BDSM side?

So we don’t share it in real life space. So online space is the best way to discuss these things, at least in a country like ours. So once u r clear of what u want one should stop reducing the time of online roleplays and try engaging in decent intro conversation about each other.

U may not be ready to tell ur real name. Just keep a screen name. No need to share phone number until some understanding and mutual confidence is built. No need to share your exact company name its simple to say the industry of field of work and the city. Chat a lot in gmail or fb or yahoo or any other chat facility over internet. Get to know as many people as possible. If some level of confidence is built then you can slowly share personal info like by buying a second sim only for this purpose and share it with the other person and give them the tie u will switch to that sim (nowadays dual sim mobiles are so casual. In any case we may not have a problem to switch sim cards say from 10:30 PM to 11:00 PM or any time towards ur bed time). Chat and try to understand as many people as u can. You might get some good friends at least. It may take even years to find a real life partner for a long term relationship like marriage.

4)      Be willing to meet in real

Yes this might sound scary. But I m not saying go and meet every one u chat with. All I am saying is after say a month of daily chats, be open to meet people in real life. Yes strictly make all precautions.

a)      Make sure u meet in a public place. I would not prefer a coffee shop or a cozy restaurant for the first meet. Rather I would prefer a beach or a park.

b)      When u r comfortable and wish to meet in someones home then make sure there is no hidden cam etc. till u fall truely in love don’t commit for a pic or vid together especially if u r scared.

Be straightforward and reduce temptation for touch and other physical activities. And don’t try to be over smart / attractive. I hate women coming in low neck exposing cleavage or mini-skirts for the first meet or even after seeing some relationship I hate it even if she comes in some sexy dress even for the first date (meet meaning public place date meaning a dinner or coffee which comes after 4 or 5 meets).

Then try to convince parents. Nowadays most marriages are fixed thru matrimony sites. As we had chosen the partner considering what parents would have wanted form the son / daughter in – law (as per rule no. 2), just sending  marriage interest thru a matrimony site will seal the deal.

Hope this list of rules is convincing.

Again in India we do have so many problems even in a love marriage. Even there is a concept called honor killing and I think there are so many movies in all woods (as in bolly, kolly, tolly etc) about the lovers being killed either by their lover's folks or even by their own family when they fall in love...


Its weird that we raise our colors that INDIA is a secular country and all religions and castes and languages co-exist. In fact its only in India there is so much communal dispute. In the west even christians and jews are allowed to marry mostly.

Interestingly movie stars make an exception here... where we have seen kapoors and aroras had married Khans... Rai married Bachchan... In fact most leading heros are married to a woman of a different religion or caste be it Jr. Bachchan, SRK, Saif, Hrithik, Rajinikanth, Kamala hasan, etc etc


Yes nowadays some educated parents are not that caste mad and are open for inter caste marriage. But the racist and caste mad killers out number these educated ones by a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE margin.

As BDSM is already treated as a taboo in our country, how do we go about finding a true partner? I had discussed with many many real life couples in real life in munches etc. and had formulated a 4 step rule which I think might work in most cases.

1)      Make a list of what you want.

First one should understand that real life BDSM is not necessarily like what is shown in BDSM porn or in the 50 shades trilogy book series. By that I mean not all can be that trained pornstars nor can everyone be as rich as Christian grey. More importantly one should know even if u get into a marriage u still need your social life like attending the weddings, parties of friends and relatives. So there will be the same requirements of any other couple to lead a life. This mean what kind of lifestyle u want – income, partners work, partners liking, family background, amenities in the house like TV, fridge, washing machine AC, bike, car etc. So list what kind of partner you want like any other couple would do. While doing this exercise itself will give u the thoughts of what u really want.

2)      Make a list of what your parents will want

Though we live in 21^st century and even our parents are mostly educated and at times even eat pizzas, burgers etc, still caste system exists in India. We still have honor killings, parents beating up the lovers if they r from a different caste or beating up or house arresting or yelling at or stop talking to their own kids if they fall in love. So its necessary to assess what the parents might want. Especially girls I feel need the care of their parents in various future stages of life.

a)      And this list will be easy. We just need to assess how much caste mad or religion mad or language mad or country mad are our parents. That will be the first point. Though now some parents are liberal in these things, the ratio is still negligible.

b)      Second comes the salary of the partner or the industry or field of work.

c)       Then comes family back ground.

In my view these are the three things parents would stress on.

3)      Ready to spend time and knowing people

Once we had don’t the above two steps, we would have evaluated ourself what we want and what our parents might give their approval for. And believe me even though the criteria will be more, you will certainly find a partner satisfying at least 80% of these criteria. There are people interested in rough sex in all caste community, creed, language, state and counties. Its just that people are no open about it. Think of yourself. Do even ur closest friends (not fb or orkut frinds here I mean real life riends) or 4AM buddies know about ur fetish or kink or BDSM side?

So we don’t share it in real life space. So online space is the best way to discuss these things, at least in a country like ours. So once u r clear of what u want one should stop reducing the time of online roleplays and try engaging in decent intro conversation about each other.

U may not be ready to tell ur real name. Just keep a screen name. No need to share phone number until some understanding and mutual confidence is built. No need to share your exact company name its simple to say the industry of field of work and the city. Chat a lot in gmail or fb or yahoo or any other chat facility over internet. Get to know as many people as possible. If some level of confidence is built then you can slowly share personal info like by buying a second sim only for this purpose and share it with the other person and give them the tie u will switch to that sim (nowadays dual sim mobiles are so casual. In any case we may not have a problem to switch sim cards say from 10:30 PM to 11:00 PM or any time towards ur bed time). Chat and try to understand as many people as u can. You might get some good friends at least. It may take even years to find a real life partner for a long term relationship like marriage.

4)      Be willing to meet in real

Yes this might sound scary. But I m not saying go and meet every one u chat with. All I am saying is after say a month of daily chats, be open to meet people in real life. Yes strictly make all precautions.

a)      Make sure u meet in a public place. I would not prefer a coffee shop or a cozy restaurant for the first meet. Rather I would prefer a beach or a park.

b)      When u r comfortable and wish to meet in someones home then make sure there is no hidden cam etc. till u fall truely in love don’t commit for a pic or vid together especially if u r scared.

Be straightforward and reduce temptation for touch and other physical activities. And don’t try to be over smart / attractive. I hate women coming in low neck exposing cleavage or mini-skirts for the first meet or even after seeing some relationship I hate it even if she comes in some sexy dress even for the first date (meet meaning public place date meaning a dinner or coffee which comes after 4 or 5 meets).

Then try to convince parents. Nowadays most marriages are fixed thru matrimony sites. As we had chosen the partner considering what parents would have wanted form the son / daughter in – law (as per rule no. 2), just sending  marriage interest thru a matrimony site will seal the deal.

Hope this list of rules is convincing.

About me

Hi all,
I m rajeev 29 single male naive near madurai. Now a research scholar in Mumbai.

I am a natural dominant yet to find the right sub. Had been exploring this lifestyle for over 6 years now by reading blogs, participating in discussions in various groups in various sites. Ihad also met many real life couples who are leading BDSM long term committed relationship for years and discussed about the hurdles they had gone through from finding each other to how they over come the social barrier like caste, community, religion etc. I myself own a blog on BDSM in India. http://bdsminindia.blogspot.in/

Now that my degree is about to complete, now sincerely looking to meet new people and make real life friends and find the ideal soul mate. She should be matured and know what she wants and know the difference between a real life BDSM and those seen in porn movie.... In real life, BDSM is something thats only practiced in the privacy of the husband and wife. Still they also go to weddings, parties of friends and relatives like any other couple we see in any normal family... just they enjoy BDSM in their own bed room or home in their privacy.

So looking to indulge in decent conversation with females to get to know each other in various chats and mutually understand each others lives, likes, desires, ambitions, hobbies etc etc like any other couple would do... I m not looking for cheap internet roleplay...

BDSM - my way to go

See ppl any relationship is built on mutual trust.

BDSM is not just beating and giving pain. It takes a real master to build that trust in his sub. And trust dont come in a day.

It takes a lot of communication between the partners. In a country like ours, where there are hardly any decent and trustful munches etc., it mostly is initiated over internet. So its better to understand the persons over internet and if u feel confident, then go ahead and meet them in person in a PUBLIC PLACE. I prefer a beech or a park or a mall. I dont prefer or even suggest a hifi cozy restuarant for a first meet.

But knowing the percent of people who are into this lifestyle, meeting in a public place may not be viable if the person u r interested in is not from ur city or state. Just for this purpose i have bought a new sim and keep it only for the friends in this lifestyle. But as i hv a dual sim hone its ok. My other female friends too hv a sim for this purpose and they just pop that sim when they wana talk to me or other friends to get some suggestions or just hv a free conversation.

It may take months of talks to know a person well and really get close and connect even as a friend. How will BDSM be an exception? BDSM is not a fast food after all... that u go and expect to enjoy it in a few minutes...

If u r really serious, be prepared to spend lots of time in understanding the people u come across - I suggest internet first then over phone and then meet in public place... At least u ma gain a trust worthy friend in this lifestyle if not a partner. If u find ur ideal mate then get the parents to accept and get married... After all life is short and the percent of ppl in BDSM is very low at least in India... and even most of them the so called masters in India are over 40 and they only look for chances to make it polygamy...

Problems/hinderences for people who really want to get into a real life BDSM

well...
as many of you people wanted, I am finally upto this post...


well I do know many bullies, who just call themselves a Dominant or a Master will try to objectify this... still let them try...


First is Caste and / or religion....
Well being in a secular (oops, may God save me for using this word) country, even if a person find a deserving partner, its just the caste/religion that comes in the way...

Second is Horoscope
Well what can u do... if just my date and time of birth decides everything, then y should i study for my so called career? so no point in talking this thing too

Third is status
well this differs... for a female its just some pic; for a guy its just liking/loving/commenting on pics... especially in an indian world that lives in internet....