[Disclaimer: I am not going to discuss here about the problems / hindrances faced by couple
already into BDSM which are discussed in detail by very many bloggers
who are much more experienced in the challenges they had in their
relationship. I am here to discuss the problems faced by people who
really want to find a suitable partner for a real life long term
relationship with BDSM being the major part of it. ]
In a country like India, where even open talk on sex is assumed to be very rare, people who have desires to become a real life kinkster or those who aspire to find a partner with complementing desires do face a lot of problems or road-blocks. I try to list here some of them and give what I feel may solve such problems.
First of all, we do have too many fakes around. Being in a so proclaimed conservative society, we dont even talk about porn, (so forget about sexual desires) beyond close college friends. But internet came to the rescue where we can share anything post pics etc and that lead the rascals to take advantage. There are so many fakes who give false info on sex, age, desires etc even in online world. I can understand giving out phone number or address as there may be safety issues involved, and that to by your own misjudgement on how good / bad the other person is.... but u can always decline to give... y give false information? how coward are they to even give false age or sex? These are people who are not confident of who they are so they certainly cant be honest which is the most fundamental in a D/s lifestyle as mentioned in the previous posts.... so the first problem is fakes... and the solution is simple: right away block them and report fake profile to fb. But wait how will u identify who is fake...? after adding friends and while chatting u will identify... ask for asl once in a while... fakes wont remember what they said in the first place and more importantly they wont even remember chatting to you a week ago. And those info they provide will be different from what they have provided in their profile... Its not worth to waste our time with fakes... if u r looking for a real life friendship or any sort of relationship you should not even hesitate to even throw them out of your friend list... But dont just stop there... block them and report the fake account... this way we help other fellow kinksters from wasting their time...
After fakes then comes the time-passers / time wasters. I always considered them as equivalent to fakes. But recently in a discussion it has been pointed out to me that its not that worse as having fakes. These are people who wont want to get to know u... after asl? they will want u to ask "stats or figure" or share pics or lead to sex chat... This type is ok for kids who are not yet in a stage to start a real life relationship or teens or unsatisfied married people who dont have the guts to break up and begin a new life that satisfy them (in the name of so called culture etc). But if you are looking to network with like minded people to share thoughts and ideas and probably discuss issues you faced or issues they had faced and probably try to get solutions to these... then these people are useless... I still follow the same principle to these ppl too as I follow with fakes - i.e. reporting and/or blocking... but some feel one or two of these in ur friend-list can help when u r bored, say on a sleepless night or a boring day at work. and considerable ppl in the discussion agreed to it so i am putting these as another category... so second problem in finding relationships thru online is "useless and jobless looser who are here just for time-pass and incompetent/impotents who are capable of doing sex in only in chats with strangers" and my solution is make sure such ppl dont cross over 2% of ur total friends then only it means u have the ability to make some friends.
So now coming to people who really want a BDSM partner... or fellow BDSMers as friends... We understand that any BDSM either friends or partners or chat mates or munch notifications, workshops or play party invitations have maximum reach and possibility through internet only. In India we dont have dedicated BDSM bars or open ads for events... Hell even my closest friends from any of the educational institutes (as in 3 schools, 2 colleges for UG and PG and 2 more where I worked) or colleagues dont know I m into BDSM and so are the most, even those are leading a happy BDSM with their life partners for even decades now; we dont know whether our our friends or philosophers are into BDSM or not...
Due to the so called conservative society that we claim and of course prevailing in India for so long, we get our first friends in this lifestyle through internet. Almost all of us realize our desire for BDSM only when we accidentally get into BDSM porn or websites... coz this thing is not openly discussed in real life. So my consideration here is to make friends and possibly a partner through internet. Also due to time constraints, I am posting in those sense only.
THE solution is to try to find a real life partner may be thru internet, but without bullying others...
In a country like India, where even open talk on sex is assumed to be very rare, people who have desires to become a real life kinkster or those who aspire to find a partner with complementing desires do face a lot of problems or road-blocks. I try to list here some of them and give what I feel may solve such problems.
First of all, we do have too many fakes around. Being in a so proclaimed conservative society, we dont even talk about porn, (so forget about sexual desires) beyond close college friends. But internet came to the rescue where we can share anything post pics etc and that lead the rascals to take advantage. There are so many fakes who give false info on sex, age, desires etc even in online world. I can understand giving out phone number or address as there may be safety issues involved, and that to by your own misjudgement on how good / bad the other person is.... but u can always decline to give... y give false information? how coward are they to even give false age or sex? These are people who are not confident of who they are so they certainly cant be honest which is the most fundamental in a D/s lifestyle as mentioned in the previous posts.... so the first problem is fakes... and the solution is simple: right away block them and report fake profile to fb. But wait how will u identify who is fake...? after adding friends and while chatting u will identify... ask for asl once in a while... fakes wont remember what they said in the first place and more importantly they wont even remember chatting to you a week ago. And those info they provide will be different from what they have provided in their profile... Its not worth to waste our time with fakes... if u r looking for a real life friendship or any sort of relationship you should not even hesitate to even throw them out of your friend list... But dont just stop there... block them and report the fake account... this way we help other fellow kinksters from wasting their time...
After fakes then comes the time-passers / time wasters. I always considered them as equivalent to fakes. But recently in a discussion it has been pointed out to me that its not that worse as having fakes. These are people who wont want to get to know u... after asl? they will want u to ask "stats or figure" or share pics or lead to sex chat... This type is ok for kids who are not yet in a stage to start a real life relationship or teens or unsatisfied married people who dont have the guts to break up and begin a new life that satisfy them (in the name of so called culture etc). But if you are looking to network with like minded people to share thoughts and ideas and probably discuss issues you faced or issues they had faced and probably try to get solutions to these... then these people are useless... I still follow the same principle to these ppl too as I follow with fakes - i.e. reporting and/or blocking... but some feel one or two of these in ur friend-list can help when u r bored, say on a sleepless night or a boring day at work. and considerable ppl in the discussion agreed to it so i am putting these as another category... so second problem in finding relationships thru online is "useless and jobless looser who are here just for time-pass and incompetent/impotents who are capable of doing sex in only in chats with strangers" and my solution is make sure such ppl dont cross over 2% of ur total friends then only it means u have the ability to make some friends.
So now coming to people who really want a BDSM partner... or fellow BDSMers as friends... We understand that any BDSM either friends or partners or chat mates or munch notifications, workshops or play party invitations have maximum reach and possibility through internet only. In India we dont have dedicated BDSM bars or open ads for events... Hell even my closest friends from any of the educational institutes (as in 3 schools, 2 colleges for UG and PG and 2 more where I worked) or colleagues dont know I m into BDSM and so are the most, even those are leading a happy BDSM with their life partners for even decades now; we dont know whether our our friends or philosophers are into BDSM or not...
Due to the so called conservative society that we claim and of course prevailing in India for so long, we get our first friends in this lifestyle through internet. Almost all of us realize our desire for BDSM only when we accidentally get into BDSM porn or websites... coz this thing is not openly discussed in real life. So my consideration here is to make friends and possibly a partner through internet. Also due to time constraints, I am posting in those sense only.
THE solution is to try to find a real life partner may be thru internet, but without bullying others...
